No more power.

Haha! Gotcha'...bet you thought I was going to post about how I've decided to go without electricity....I'm not quite there....yet.

My life for the last 15 years has been full of power. I have pushed myself hard. Too hard. I've been like one of those plate spinners at the circus....the man with all the sticks and his plates up in the air....one wrong move and it will all come crashing down. I ran my business with a vengeance...spending countless hours on my feet, answering phones and faxes, filling and placing orders, cutting fabric, designing new sets, packing, shipping and putting out fires. For a few years I was the volunteer diva sitting on boards and committees and working on countless projects. I could bounce a baby on my hip, corral a toddler, speak on the phone, lead a meeting, design a new bedding set, pull weeds and bake banana bread all at the same time. Queen multi-tasker.


I look back on my "to do before you turn 40 list" and have a short laugh with myself when I realize that most of the items on it didn't get done before last September when the big 4-0 happened to me: ride on the Concord, skydive, run a marathon, learn to scuba dive....get the idea? That list was all about speed....guess I thought I needed to push myself a little harder? Aren't we all doing that on some level? Spinning too many plates and not knowing how to stop? We live in an extreme society that makes it pretty easy to be that way..... energy drinks, coffee, highly processed convenient food, too many activity choices, too much noise....we've even got: power yoga....that one is hilarious to me. We jack ourselves up with sugar & caffeine and put ourselves to bed with alcohol and sleeping pills. If there's one thing we don't need any more of: it's power! Where do we go from here? Higher taxes for employees who opt to take their vacation time? Full frontal nudity in daytime tv? Candy so sour it makes your eyeballs explode? Soft drinks with enough sugar & caffeine to keep you awake for 48 hours? Extreme sports training for toddlers?

An interesting thing happened to me last October 1 (3 days after I turned 40, btw). It was the first day in approximately 15 years that I didn't have an office to go to. I had helped the new owners of my business through their "transition period" and they were ready to set sail on their own. So, I found myself on October 1, and a couple of months there-after, wandering around my house without that familiar feeling of power I had gotten so accustomed to. There were no phones or faxes, no customers, no toddlers, no fires to put out....I almost lost my mind. My mind and body kept tricking me into thinking I was stressed out- I didn't know how to 'NOT' be stressed. It makes me sad thinking of it.





Since that time I have been making a new list- a real list: "to do for the rest of your life list": breathe, dream, remember, imagine, grow, savor, rest, enjoy, love, meditate, change, learn, smile, heal, cry, laugh, explore, dance, create, evolve, trust....




I'm already beginning to love this place. It's quiet here. I only hear the wind in the trees, the cows across the street mooing and the birds outside. I took a nap this afternoon....I mean, like a real nap...as in- under the cover/ drooling on my pillow 2 hour nap. This may not seem like a big accomplishment to any of you readers that are natural nappers. I, on the other hand have never been able to settle my mind down enough to sleep during the day and feel rested when I woke. Today is different. I feel the "power" from the last 15 years draining from my body and it feels good. It's calm and peaceful. No more power for me, thanks...I've had my fill.